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2011 in Review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 6,400 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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We Love Dirty Laundry: or How to Get Your Husband to Wash Clothes

Last week my husband and I were having a standoff to see how long we could go without doing laundry. It was an odd sort of competition. No one talked about it. It just sort of happened. Typically we do laundry once a week, when the basket begins to overflow, but it had been two weeks and “overflow” was a serious understatement…

Don Henley would be proud.

Eventually my husband caved. It probably had less to do with a clear victory for feminism than that fact that he possesses fewer pairs of underwear than I do, but I was still proud that I held out as long as I did. Here’s a few tips that might help modern women get their hubbies to pitch in when it comes to the dreaded task of washing and folding clothes…

Avoid talking about the subject. Rather than saying, “My goodness, look at this huge pile of laundry! I wish someone would help me with it,” try this approach: “I’m exhausted. How about we go out for a nice dinner? You could wear that handsome button down.” When he realizes his favorite shirt is in the laundry, he’ll have to confront the overgrown pile of dirty clothes spilling out into the hallway.

Divert your attention to other tasks that you enjoy. Your partner arrives home and asks, “What were you up to today?” You respond, “I tended the garden this morning, then went to work, and afterward I made this delicious meal. Aren’t I amazing?” Most likely, he’ll agree.

Put the hamper in an inconvenient location where he’s bound to notice it. Maybe scatter a few items around the base of the hamper to create a more messy, treacherous path to tread on.

Plant a stink bomb in the bathroom. When he asks what the blazes is smelling so badly, calmly reply that you think it’s his workout clothes that have been in the hamper for a week.

Hide a few of his clothes, like a favorite tee that he loves to wear or all of his socks, so that he’ll be forced to do laundry to “uncover” them.

If desperate, don your granny panties. If he makes a move, say you’re “not feeling up to it” because your lingerie is in the laundry basket and your current undergarments are making you feel undesirable.

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11 Things I Love about My Husband

Christian demonstrates his sense of humor.

For those of you who know Christian, I’m sure you’ll agree on most counts (I hope you don’t agree on all counts. That would be creepy and weird.)

  1. He’s ridiculously intelligent. Possibly even too intelligent.
  2. When he laughs out loud he claps his hands one time. Strange at first, but when you get to know him, you realize it’s a sign of an expression of true happiness.
  3. He’s genuinely more interested in me than sports, Play Stations (he doesn’t even own one), TV, or any other form of mass media. If this is somehow untrue, then he’s damn good at covering it up.
  4. He’s a total sap. He cries regularly. Yes, he cries, because it’s down right healthy and therapeutic to cry! I’m proud to have a husband that isn’t afraid to feel and express emotion. And as an addendum to this one, he’s still a great shoulder for me to cry on.
  5. He’s polite to his mother. He may not always agree with her, but he treats her with dignity and respect. I think that bodes well for my future.
  6. Even though he’s a much faster runner than I am, when we run together, he runs my pace. He claims that it’s good for him to slow down, but I think he just wants to be seen running with his smokin’ hot wife.
  7. He doesn’t measure his self-worth based on intangible pursuits of money and progress. This doesn’t make him a slouch, just a man content with the simple pleasures of life.
  8. He puts his milk in the freezer for a few minutes before drinking it because he knows that chilled is the only way to properly imbibe milk.
  9. In the summer, he hates to have the A/C blasting. He prefers the feeling of warm (possibly even hot and sticky) reality over the cold, sterile feeling of conditioned air. I love this.
  10. We have a mutual understanding that flatulence is natural, and we like to boast that it’s a sign of our healthy digestive systems.
  11. Before we begin each meal, he has to give me a kiss. Whether it’s an actual full-contact kiss or just a soft blown kiss across the dinner table, he has to do it. Otherwise it’ll jinx the meal…or something like that.


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